Yes, another toy post

Perhaps “Yet another…” would be a better title.

I will preface this by saying that I may, just might have, tried to move ahead too quickly.  No, no damage. 

I tend to be one of those guys that, when I get a mind to, I’m pretty single-minded.  The past couple of weeks have been about expanding my anal horizons.  (hence the blog title, at least in part).  I’m also a cautious guy – and that basically means the focus is, at least in the short term, on toys.  They fascinate me.  I recall a time when toys were, um, well… I will call them utilitarian.  Kinda slapped together.  That has apparently changed a great deal.  Concentrating, as I said, on toys has resulted in a fair amount of shopping.  A friend pointed me to Stockroom.com, and I’ve been very pleased by the results.  Two of the items purchased have already been discussed in previous posts.  I think one of my learnings through all of this is that, at least for me, it’s never going to be a ‘well, done with that let’s move on,’ kind of thing.  I half expected it to be.  You know, I’ve mastered this toy, time to get an upgrade.  Like i said, moving too fast. 

Tonight’s experience was new, not only due to a new toy being introduced, but also in that there is photographic evidence, per se.  They will not be posted here.  At least not right now.  I’m not entirely sure how I feel about being that exposed.  Words are one thing.

Today, in fact the past few days have been long, tiring and frustrating.  As a result, I took a long bike ride this evening.  13 miles later, I felt drained.  Wasn't sure I was going to proceed with toy night (dear lord, do I need to start scheduling these?)  I made a pot of tea, took a bath… and started feeling a bit more alive.  Clearly, in the back of my mind, I intended to get off tonight, using the new toy.  Why do I say that? Because my enema bulb went to the bath with me.  I cleaned up outside, and inside. 

I’m a little concerned that my experiences and, as a result, my writings are getting a bit clinical.  Acknowledging that, I still felt the evening was a success. A success.  Clearly, through my words, you see how I went into this.  I felt it was a challenge.  I wanted to beat/best the toy.  I need to take a step back and remember this is much more about how I feel, what I feel, than merely a goal in terms of girth and or length.  I promise not to belabor the point further. 

I picked three toys.  Challenge is one thing, but options are important. 

It’s become a little bit ritualistic, but I started out the same way.  I even enjoy this part.  I don’t think this is something that I’ll be breaking from any time soon.  I laid out a towel on the bed spread, the three toys beside it.  On the night stand was the lube.  I started by lubing a couple of fingers, then spreading the lube around my butt hole.  I took my time, consciously figuring out what felt good.  There’s a ridge of muscle, right where my taint opens up into my hole.  I can’t say it was overly titillating to play there, just felt good.  The opposite part of the rim of my hole as well.  There was a ridge, further in, that was more sensitive – resistant.  I made sure to keep my fingers wet with lube, relaxing the hole… playing, not pushing too hard, or too far, too quickly.  My dick was soft, still, through all of this.

I took toy number one, the bead toy, and started lubing it – warming it with my hand.  Like the last time I used it, getting that first bead into my butt was a challenge.  But, once I got that started, the second went in quickly – almost unnoticeably.  The third, and largest, was the challenge.  Not painful, just noticeable.  Once all three were seated, and the bulb left on the outside was firmly in place… I just laid there.  Like last time, it was only when I started stroking my cock that I fully realized just what an awesome toy it is.  Little jolts of pleasure, not every stroke on my cock, but often enough.  Little gasps of surprise at just how good it felt.  Little gushes of precum, mixing with the lube on my dick.  I played for a bit, but I was actually a little concerned that it might make me cum – and I wanted more out of my evening. Pulling the beads out, once again, left me tingling and breathing a little heavy.

I laid there for a few moments, catching my breath.  Toy number 3, the new one, differed from the other dildo I recently purchase in that it was a bit longer, a bit thicker, but also a bit straighter.  I thought that might make it easier to take up my ass.  I thought wrong.  I went back to lubing my ass, wanting to make sure that there was enough to avoid that being an issue – figuring that left the shear size of the toy as the hurdle to get over.  I lubed the toy, and put the head against my butt hole.  Leg, thrown over, pelvis twisted to get better access to my hole. I was surprised how much bigger it felt than what I recalled the other toy feeling like.  Just… thick.  I tried a couple of different techniques, but wasn’t getting much in terms of insertion.  I admit, I was a little frustrated.  I took a deep breath, set the new boy aside, and picked up the black dildo I had a bit more experience with.  I admit, also, a bit of irrational fear.  What if this didn’t feel like it did last time, what if I didn’t enjoy it?  Nothing ventured, nothing gained.  Having lubed it and, once again, my hole… I started feeding it into me.  I felt the curve slide into me, felt a little resistance.  I took a deep breath and just let it sit there.  Breathing out through tightly puckered lips… (a technique from my massage), I felt it start the journey in. 

There’s a place where I can feel pressure building, toward discomfort.  Then, I’m passed that ring, or ridge… and it’s just… in me.  Sliding it in is easier.  Much easier.  Worlds easier.  I can feel, as it slides in, that my body wants to twist it to fit the hole better.  That wicked curve means it doesn’t get all the way in me.  I can feel it pressing against parts of me, intense feelings that I still need to get used to.  I sit with it in me.  I notice that my dick is soft, but dripping precum.  I start to pay it some attention.  Lube on the hand, mixing with the precum, I start stroking.  I don’t move the toy, just stroke.  Unlike last time, I get little jolts- reminiscent of what I felt with the beads in me.  Not as pronounced, but pleasurable.  I don’t want to dismiss the sensation or how I was enjoying it, but I was laying there thinking… “I want it to just feel good.”  Too much pressure on myself for so new an experience.  I decided to try ‘new toy’ again, figuring the ‘curve’ would have opened me up a bit.  Pulling the curve out, once again, little intense right before the head popped out of me. 

Lube is apparently my friend.  I spent quality time with lube this evening.  Lubing butt, toy, butt, toy, butt… toy. 

This time, when I put the head against my hole… while it still felt thick… it slid in.  As with the curve… pressure… then… <sigh> home… it slid home.  Full feeling.  As before, once it was inside me I started stroking.  I could feel it pressing on things… and I realize it’s not a traffic cone.  :) Mostly, it’s just still a new experience and feelings.  I started stroking in earnest, and sliding my new friend deeper… bit a time.  I haven’t gotten to the point where I can ‘full stroke’ a toy yet – sliding it all the way in, in one stroke, and out.  That will come later.  I was just happy to have it in me, to be feeling full, but not uncomfortable.  Then… I was surprised.  Without having to think about it, with calling to mind images of men, or mouths, or dicks, or recalling the feeling of making out… I started to feel the beginnings of an orgasm.  Feeling, I started stroking my chest with the hand not on my dick, pinching my nipped… and just from the sensations… It happened quick… and it was intense. I can’t tell you I saw stars.  I didn’t see anything.  I did feel my stomach tighten, felt my hole clench around the silicone dick in my ass.  Heard myself gasp out, ‘oh fuck.’  Then there was come in my hand, dripping on my balls.  and I was left gasping… laying there.  Took me a few minutes… to even remove the dildo from my ass.

Like I said, I looked on the experience as a ‘success.’  Now, though, I think I need to take a step back… and just explore what I’ve got.  Part of why I’m doing this… I really want to be able to enjoy being fucked.  I have fantasies about a guy fucking me.  I want to experience that – that connection, that sensation.  Little steps.