Expanding Whorizons

“Undress me.” Quiet, authoritative. A command, not a request. I reached out, hesitant at first, reaching for the buttons of his shirt. Before I could grasp them, he grabbed both arms at the wrist. “Look at me.” I dared not disagree or disappoint. “I’ve given you a direct order, do not hesitate, do not second guess yourself.  In this situation, there is no choice – I’ve made those choices for you and I trust you to do as I say. Let go of the thoughts that cause you to hesitate.” He looked at me, waiting until I nodded that I’d heard and understood him. Then he released my hands. This time I didn’t hesitate – I started unbuttoning his shirt from collar to waist, focusing, making my movements efficient. The entire time, I breathed deeply… steadying my nerves and inhaling his scent. His shirt hadn’t been tucked in to begin with, and in short order he stood with his shirt fully unbuttoned, his skin warm beneath the cloth. In turn, he held out his left and then his r...

Sex involves a certain amount of vulnerability.  In my life, I’ve been vulnerable—and clearly made poor choices with whom.  The result is that it’s not easy for me to be open to sex, or to be open with people.  One of the things I’ve chosen to do with my life is approach sex, and vulnerability, and try and gain back some of what I think I’ve lost. I rarely feel visible, in uncontrolled settings.  Take that for what you will.  In light of that, over the years, a couple of ways to deal: 1)  self-medicate so that I feel less inhibited 2)  pay for sex The former rarely has worked out well.  Though it has afforded me a handful of interesting stories to share.  I’ve shared them, though admittedly left out the ‘buyer’s remorse’ that typically hits the next day.  Sure, there was the time in NYC during gay pride when I knelt before two men and took care of their dicks.  Sure, there was the pair that I sucked off in a back alley in Ch...

Standing in front of me, naked, all I could think was ‘WOW!’ Gorgeous, head to toe.  Muscles, solid, rock hard.  Amazing, what his body felt like under my hands, my finger tips.  The room was quiet, everything we said between us was quiet, hushed. We’d started kissing, gently, lips touching lips.  Tentatively lips parted, tongues intertwined.  He tasted good.  Soft lips, light dusting of beard, smooth skin.  I enfolded him in my arms, feeling the hard muscles of his back with my hands, caressing his skin, amazed at the muscles of his ass.  Lips went to his neck, I breathed in the scent of him.  I’d watched him strip, the room fully lit, trying to take it all in.  Now that he was naked, he padded over the the bed – I watched his muscles play under his skin, felt how hard my dick was.  I’d stripped down as well, and as he sat – back against the pillows, legs spread – I moved to join him.  I slid my arms through the spaces u...

Without really understanding why, I stopped in at a local bar that I rarely frequented these days.  I could say I was thirsty, but who ‘really’ goes to a bar just to slake their thirst?  I suppose, if you expand your definition of thirst, it might be closer to the truth.  Hadn’t been out in what felt like years, though really was only a couple of months.  Bar’s in the city, I’m in the ‘burbs.  It tends to cater to a clientele affecting an intentionally hyper-masculine demeanor.  What can I say, the smell of leather can be an heady scent. Up front, I will admit that I dabble more than embrace the leather lifestyle.  I attribute it to the ‘moth/flame’ mentality – the intensity of leather sex is incredibly sexy to me.  I’m both titillated and terrified.  That smell – of warm leather – took me back to an experience I had years ago.  Let me be clear here – I don’t not judge those into leather, in a way I envy them that they've found a pla...

It happened like so many other stories.  I’d been a fan of his work for a while.   We met at a weekend event and I finally got up enough nerve to chat with him in the elevator.  Just a couple of words, a brief acknowledgment that I knew who he was.  I didn’t want to intrude.  Later that evening, another quick chat, a photo.  Cuter in person than I imagined he’d be.  Throughout the weekend, I tried to keep track – surreptitiously – of where he might be.  The fact that we were at the same events, not really a surprise – it was a well planned out weekend for attendees.  I tried not to be that ‘hanger on’ that seems to be prevalent at events like this.  The sycophant that can’t help but get on so many people’s nerves.  Last day of the weekend, a charity auction.  An early auction, won, an intriguing opportunity – fueled by a few too many beers – to show how much I enjoyed his work.  “How’s your weekend been?” “I’ve be...

I’m sitting here, bleary-eyed, feeling a bit spent.  Dawned on me that I’d not gotten off since Sunday – and here I wondered why I was in such a pissed-off mood for most of the week.  It also dawned on me that I’d not done any exploring in almost 2.  Doesn’t seem a long time, really.  But I’d been so ‘all about it’ for the first few weeks of my blog that it was notably absent.  No, I’ve still not taken the stop of getting someone else involved yet.  Yes, I’m beginning to feel that weighing on me.  Fear and anticipation are warring right now.  I made the conscious decision to get off tonight, and to use one of my toys to assist.  I asked a friend, whom I trust, if he had a suggestion on which one I should use. We’ll call that an ‘interactive’ experience, sorta.  His sage advice was to do one that I wasn’t quite as familiar with.  And so, this is where we find ourselves. I don’t have a huge collection, but I’ve started growing it....

It has been a little stressful or late, mostly job related and – in that context – mostly personality related.  Shit happens, welcome to middle school.  In any event, it’s left me feeling angry, and frustrated, and more than a bit aggressive.  These are not good things, in combination, most of the time.  Certainly haven’t left me feeling like exploring.  Instead, I’ve been more apt to watch a vid, get off, wipe off, and go to bed.  I consciously wanted to change that.  After a bike ride, I decided that a bath would be therapeutic in a lot of ways.  There’s the purely physical part of warming, and relaxing the muscles I’d used.  There’s the mental part of sitting still, somewhere comfortable.  I even did the candle bit.  Then there’s the sensual part.  Soapy, warm water can feel so good on your skin.  The currents (cause who really sits stock still in the bath) can be soothing or just a little titillating.  Depends o...

Perhaps “Yet another…” would be a better title. I will preface this by saying that I may, just might have, tried to move ahead too quickly.  No, no damage.  I tend to be one of those guys that, when I get a mind to, I’m pretty single-minded.  The past couple of weeks have been about expanding my anal horizons.  (hence the blog title, at least in part).  I’m also a cautious guy – and that basically means the focus is, at least in the short term, on toys.  They fascinate me.  I recall a time when toys were, um, well… I will call them utilitarian.  Kinda slapped together.  That has apparently changed a great deal.  Concentrating, as I said, on toys has resulted in a fair amount of shopping.  A friend pointed me to Stockroom.com, and I’ve been very pleased by the results.  Two of the items purchased have already been discussed in previous posts.  I think one of my learnings through all of this is that, at least for me, it’...

Ok, not sure what it says about me that I just get my first ‘real’ toy and then turn around and by another.  This one was, well, different.  The experience, also, different.  The new toy is along the lines of anal beads, but with a twist.  There’s a second ‘branch,’ if you will… the toy is designed such that, when the beads (there are three of them) are firmly inserted, the second branch rest against the taint.  I am, apparently, a big fan of the taint.  More on that later. The balls are not huge, in fact they start out very small.  In spite of that, I watned to start out slowly – to pace myself.  I didn’t want to overdo.  Still not sure exactly what my limits are, but I’m keeping it to the ‘less is more’ approach.  I’m afraid of hurting myself, and abandoning this new found experience.  I started, as before, by cleaning out.  I’m finding that process to be a lot less stressful that it once was.  In a way, it was t...

Shy.  I know that there are people in my life who find that amusing.  Put me in a room with people I know, and a few beers, and I’m chatty-fucking-Kathy.  But, you put me in a situation where I’m among people I’m not familiar with… and I, most times, have turned into a wall flower.  I’m working on that. Recent history – I’ve started getting to a point where I feel more comfortable putting myself out there.  What does that mean?  That I’m horny, and I want to get laid.  You cannot get laid if you do not put yourself out there. Well, almost… you can pay.  I've done that in the past.  Not often, but I don’t see a problem with it.  It’s paying for a fantasy.  What I’m starting to find – after a fairly impressive amount of weight loss – is that I want to meet people, have sex, and not pay for it.  Interestingly, one paid experience recently gave me more confidence to go out and meet guys. My birthday is early in march, and as is...