Been a while
It dawned on me last evening just how much I’d been shirking my responsibilities both in terms of my blog, and the exploration that premeditated it. To that end I submit the following.
Clearly it had been a while since I’d opened the toy box. I was a bit concerned – not sure why. Perhaps I had this thought that, without practice, I’d be starting from scratch – so to speak. I admit that the experience was a bit challenging. I spent the day out with a friend, first wandering the shopping district of a small town near us, then wandering the campus of my alma mater. Not sure what really drove me to visit my college, other than proximity. It was a beautiful albeit hot day. I feel like I got a good workout.
I dropped my friend off at his place, and decided that I needed to take some time for me. Not sure where my head has been, but it’s not been in an experimental or a sexual mood. I tried to put that behind me, and opened the drawer in which I’ve taken to keeping my toys. I chose a graduated red toy – I can’t, in good faith, call it a dildo because it’s both more and less than that. More in terms of substance, less in terms of any visible resemblance to other dildos. I’ve played with it before and blogged about it as well.
I am a fan of Str8camlube (there a plug), but having received samples of ID Glide when I was in Chicago, I thought I’d check it out. I started with the ‘less is more’ approach – a little lube on my finger, a little lube on the skin of my butt hole. I still get apprehensive when I’m about to put something inside of me. I don’t know if that will ever go away, though I hope it does. In spite of my concerns that I’d be starting over, there are certain things that stuck with me. I recalled that playing first, finger in hole, made introducing a toy that much easier. I recalled that playing with the ridge of my hole closer to my balls was enjoyable. I recalled that breathing was really, really important. I also recalled that touching my dick while I was introducing toy to sphincter was not a good idea. I clench.
I played with my hole, middle finger wet with lube. Felt how the rose bud felt as I played with it. I wet my finger, again and again, applying more of the lube until I felt slick. I played along the line that ran from balls to asshole, I always find that a sensation that brings a bit of a sigh. I probably could have enjoyed playing that way longer, but I wanted to test myself – I wanted to know if the toy presented too much of a challenge after its absence.
Red toy in left hand, I started stroking its length and wetting it with lube. I stroked it, then applied more lube to my hole. Again, fresh lube on my hand, then on the toy, then on my butt. Once all of the parts felt sufficiently slick, I started slowly feeding the toy into my ass. It remains an unsettling feeling at first blush. The first inch slid in with little resistance. It was only as the second inch was entering me – it being a wider diameter – that I really felt it stretching me. I didn’t push, but instead breathed deeply and let my ass slowly open up to take it. I let it sit there for a few moments, letting myself get used to the way it felt. Slowly, another inch, a still-widening diameter. Breathing. Sitting. I played that way for a few minutes, one inch following the others. By the time I was 4 rings in, I knew it wasn’t going to get much further. I laid there, feeling the material warming in my ass. That was an interesting sensation. I reached for my dick and found it soft, but wet with precum. I’m always a bit amazed at that. In toy sessions in the past, I’ve noticed the same thing – this feeling of being entirely focused on the toy in my ass, to the exclusion of my dick. Some of it is just practical – playing with my dick tends to make my ass clench, making it difficult to fuck myself with a toy. I gave some consideration to just stroking out a load like that, with the toy about half way into me. Then I changed my mind, and changed tactics.
I’ve decided I have a favorite toy. Ok, well, maybe favorite is too strong a term. I have one that I’m fond of, and partial to. It’s the first one I purchased, and is unique in that it has a very strong curve at the tip. Can make it challenging to get inside. Does make it challenging to get it inside. Last night was no exception.
This black toy, less in length or girth than the red one I started out with, represents a challenge in the first insertable inch of its length. I wet it liberally with lube, and reach back to put the head against the opening to my ass. I felt the pressure building, verging on the point of pain. I pulled it out a little, trying for a different angle. More of the same. I pushed, not hard enough to hurt myself, but with some insistence. Pressure, bordering on pain. I adjusted the angle of the head, ever so slightly, and felt the pressure ease enough that the head popped in. There was a sense of relief – not only the lessening of the pressure, but the realization that it was still what I remembered it to be. It was intense, yes, but not the pain that I feared. I should also say that the trick of breathing in deeply, then blowing my breath out of my very tightly pursed lips continues to be an amazement to me. If you’re a burgeoning bottom and haven’t tried this, I recommend it. Highly.
I slowly moved the whole length into me. The toy has a wide, flat base and it was pressed against my butt cheeks, and I laid there. Breathing. Feeling full. I moved my body, while lying on my back, so that I could grind – gently – my ass against the bedspread and, with it, could grind the dildo inside me. By this time, I was playing with my dick – which was wet with both lube and precum. I longed for something in my mouth, someone in my mouth. Lacking that, I got creative.
Years ago, I hung out on the periphery of the leather scene in NYC. Never entirely comfortable with what I wanted, I stayed firmly in the gray areas, but managed to accumulate a few tools – most of which have found their way into welcoming hands and homes. One of the things that I still retain is a small back of clothes pins. I gently, gingerly pulled the toy out of me. Grabbing four clothes pins, I crawled back onto my bed. Again I wet the toy, again I slowly put it back inside me. Once it was seated, once again, I took the first clothes pin and put it on my left nipple. I’m not sure if it’s the same for man others, but the sensitivity of my nipples is not consistent between the two. My left one, having been pierced in the past, accepted the clamp with little notice. My right nipple, on the other hand, is more sensitive so one went on and I knew that would be all it would take. Still playing with my dick, while grinding my ass down onto the dildo, I put a second and then a third clothes pin on my left nipple.
During the course of my play, I found that a light stroking on my dick at points produced an intense shudder throughout my body. However, a heavier hand didn’t produce shudder, but just felt good. I also felt, at several points, that I wanted to remove one or more of the pins in my nipples because the sensation was getting intense. Each time I reached to do so, though, I stopped myself. I felt a bit dirty, a bit sexy and a bit desperate to absorb what I was feeling and to get off. I kept stroking my dick, and grinding my ass down. I found that the movement of grinding made my body move in such a way that the clothes pins moved, they’re weight shifting and producing really sexy feelings in me. I have to say that it didn’t take very long before I was pushing myself over the edge. I came, breathing heavy, seeing spots. It was one of those orgasms where I wasn’t sure I could move, but wanted to gently get the dildo out of me. A handful of cum later, I was spent.
Note to self: I always need to keep resources handy to express myself. J
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